Now to the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Here’s the UR-A-NUS!!

I had 4days of rest and what have I been doing? This:

Hi Sayang, I love you.

It Will Rain

As soon as u’re back from the hospital, u called me. Just to say ‘I Love You’ and u fell asleep, intoxicated from the morphine shot that u just got. I stared at the screen, at you and I realized how I could not bear to see the pain that u’re going through alone. All I could do is wait and pray for ur safety everyday.

]]> http://hereiamwithoutyou.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/1081/feed/ 0 Missy Screen shot 2012-01-18 at 3.14.04 AM http://hereiamwithoutyou.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/2011-in-review/ http://hereiamwithoutyou.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/2011-in-review/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 18:25:43 +0000 Missy http://hereiamwithoutyou.wordpress.com/?p=1078 Continue reading »

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 6,800 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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How to be brave? How can I love when I’m afraid to fall? But watching u stand alone, all of my doubts suddenly goes away somehow.

Hello there bloggie. What should I blog about today? Hmmm… Let me start with SMRT.

Lets admit it, we ALL depend to much on SMRT as that is our very main mode of transportation. For over 20 years, SMRT have never failed us. NEVER

But recently, SMRT on the North South bound is being very difficult. First, it broke down on thursday which leaves us ALL stranded, even me. I was on afternoon shift on that day and I was lost. Suddenly, I don’t know how to get home. Thats how dependable we all are on SMRT trains. But thanks to Dr. Michele, who sent me to Ang Mo Kio, where there was still train service up to Jurong East. Thank god that the train was fully functioning the next day as I was on morning shift.

It was working fine on Friday but it was disrupted again on Saturday. I was in that train with my group of friends at 7am that morning as we were about to go to Port Dickson, our short getaway. I told my friends that my pitt stop today is not Novena but Bugis. I spoke too soon. We had to alight at Newton due to the power failure in the train subways again. We had to take the train back to Novena and take a bus down to Lavender, where the coach bus were waiting. My friends were laughing at me as we alight at Novena, saying that I’m fated to go back to work. It was too funny!

When we were in Port Dickson, the news we heard was that the train service through out the North South bound was disrupted. Thank god we were in Port Dickson, enjoying our private pool! Haha..

When I reached home on Sunday, i saw that there were too many complaints about the disruption by the public. It was fine at first but I get annoyed by the public when the complaint don’t stop. SMRT were trying to rectify the problem and all they could do is to provide us with trains still but at a slower frequency. Which means, we all have to get up earlier than normal to go to work. I don’t see a need to complain about that but the public can’t stop ranting about how late the train is nowadays… Its so annoying because SMRT has been functioning so well for the past 20 over years but the public has never appreciate that! Once the line was disrupted, the complains from the public have been going on non-stop. I mean, SERIOUSLY?!! -.-”

Singaporeans are too dependable on the trains and I think if they want to complain about the frequency being too slow, they should just take a cab! Whats wrong with waking up earlier than usual? Whats wrong with the 10-15 mins delay in the train? At the end of the day, there’s still trains that’s running isn’t it?

God! Singaporeans are too much! Lets appreciate and stop complaining.

I shall stop blogging here for now coz I feel that I’m getting out of hand.

1. Colleagues and Bosses :

    There has been a lot of changes in this ward lately. From groups of friends, to mere strangers in an instant. And then, there’s the backstabbers. There will always be the backstabbers in every company. Anyways, there has been A LOT of changes recently and one of the major changes is the reshuffling of our Nursing Managers. First, we have this pinoy N.O. to replace the malay one. A good change I must say, coz the malay N.O,(boss) has been stagnant in the same ward for many years and her productivity has, well, plunged. The new boss, a very hands on boss and understanding as well. She helps around in the ward and a very motivating boss. BUT! Her scheduling skills, SUCKS big time! -.-”’ There will be days where my shifts are sandwich between night shifts, sleeping day, afternoon shift and rest day. Other than that, I have no complains against her so far yet. Hopefully, she’ll stay as how she is now.The fact that she’s a pinoy, and she’s our boss, my other pinoy colleagues suddenly, thinks that they have the higher hand. Suddenly, the ward is ruled by the pinoy SNs, basically, the seniors. Well, I thank god again that my pinoy boss is not one sided. She’s very neutral about us and I feel that that’s he plus point.

   My new Malay boss. She’s newly promoted and she was from a paying class ward. My ward is a subsidized ward by the way. Anyways, The fact that she’s from a paying class ward, makes it harder for her to understand our work flow, it seems. The amount of work that we do everyday is totally different from a paying class wards. She’s yet to adapt to this high traffic ward, it seems. And there is this strange aura that I can feel from her. This strange bad aura. I choose to stay away. I will acknowledge her when I see her and still give my respects to her as my boss but not more than that, for now. I better steer away from negativity.

   There are some colleagues whom I really hate to work with. They only think about themselves and their charts! No sense of teamwork. No compassion for the patients. At the end of the day, all she wanted was to finish her work, pass over if not finished and leave the ward on the dot! DAMN GIRL! You seemed not to know your patients at all, BITCH! Goodness…! She is protected by the senior pinoys in the ward which is so obviously one-sided! FUCKERS!
   
   

2. Patients: Confuse patients are totally a norm in the ward. I only detest patients with low pain threshold..! Damn! Especially if it’s a guy! Be a man! Suck it up! Pain killers have been provided, care provided, advises for pain management provided, what else do you want? On night shifts, we have 20 patients in our hands and pressing the call bell to have us by your side is not helping at all. Be a man and suck it up! Grrrr…!!
   
   
3. Relatives: GOD DAMN IT! Whats with relatives nowadays? The demands from relatives, especially from chinese families, are too much! Though you are educated in some form, we nurses are educated too! Don’t tell us what to do! Don’t tell us what to not say! We are not your maids! We’re here to help your sick family member and there is so much that we can do! Why demand when u know that u are in a SUBSIDIZED ward??!!! Expect the slow speed! Expect the noise! We nurses, are busy as well. Don’t take us for granted! Complaining to the smallest problem there is. Sometimes, it’s not even our problem!

   An example; a patient absconded and the daughter is lodging a complain to us saying that we are not taking well care of her dad therefore her dad absconded! First of all, her dad did not want to be admitted in the ward. He wanted to go home when the A&E doctor said that he needs to be admitted. But his daughter refuses to let him home and insist for her dad to stay in the hospital. Her dad was wheeled up to the ward at about 6 pm. Agitated and anxious, her dad kept walking up and down in the cubicle saying that he wants to be discharged. The daughter still insist on the admission. Daughter went home shortly after. At about 7-ish, the dad was  no longer to be found in the ward and he never came back. He absconded. Now, the next day, the daughter called up the ward and demand an explanation from the nurses. How are we suppose to explain to her that patients have their own rights in the hospital? This is not a prison! And we can’t detained someone especially since he is in the mind! It’s his right! Well, she wasn’t happy that we didn’t manage to prevent her dad from running away and she lodge a complain to the higher authorities! DAMN! What is this? Your dad is our prisoner is it? So, apart from being a nurse, a maid, a cleaner, a daughter/son to ur relatives, we’re also a security guard? Oh my god! Tell me how? Haiz.
   
   

4. The low wage.
5. Overworked.
6. Not enough off days.

There is so many that I wanna bitch about but I’ve decided to stop here since my back is aching so bad right now. I can’t sit too long. I can’t stand too long. Lying down, i have to find the right position. Sometimes the pain is so bad that all I wanna do is just to cry, which I eventually will. Thus is my health now. I need to resign! I want to! But at the same time, I need this job. The irony.

This Poooondek, I love.

Little did we know, that we’ll find each other this way. Little did I know, that I will ever found love.  Old spinster, was what I thought I’d end up being. And I have never stop thanking god, for you.

AS Mariah Carey sings…

To be loved and to love, it’s totally a whole different feeling after all. I used to find love but I was never loved before. This time, I let love came and here I am, happy and contented everyday. Not that I don’t love him; I do. But this time, he loved me more that I do. It’s true. When you found someone who love u more that u do the other party (I’m referring to the ladies here), you’ll be treated like a princess everyday/night. And it makes u wonder, are u the only girl  in this world? It’s true.

Told my mom today that he’s coming over next year around April or October to meet her and dad. She’s excited. And she said, his name is so old school. Ermm.. hahaha! I could only laugh laaaa…! -.- Mom also told me that Dad says, he don’t mind the skin color, as long as he’s muslim. Thank God!

What am I feeling now? Excited, nervous, anxious, scared, and overwhelmed. Goodness gracious me! For the first time, I’m bringing a guy over to meet my parents! x_x””  What am I suppose to do? How am I suppose to behave? What am I suppose to say? DARN!

Now, u must be asking, isn’t this too fast? All I can say is, at this moment, everything feels so right. Insyallah, it will be. And, the fact that he’s not local, is also one of the reason why I have to introduce him to my parents as soon as possible. I, am still this conservative girl, who wants my boyfriend to be  acquainted to my family and let them mingle so that they’ll build a good rapport with each other. I don’t like to hide my relationship from my parents. Even before I found him, I’ve always thought that if I have a BF, I would get him approved ESPECIALLY by my dad . I could never rest or live in peace if my parents is against my bf. I don’t know why I have such a mentality. I guess, family ties, is still very important to me despite the fact that I love my freedom and independence. And also, I just don’t ever want to disappoint my dad. I want him to know that I found someone who thinks about the future, who is able to provide for his daughter and who is able to love his daughter more than for what she is. I want my dad to know that my bf is not a mat or a unproductive guys that is largely available right here in SG, ironically.

P.S. He’s pampering me and I love it. Like a princess. Where is my crown?

The #Libra’s ability to detach make them cold, heartless, and blind in the worst way.

It hurts us too to detach when u love him/her so much. I’m not talking about lovers here. It could be family or friends.

Detaching for the better. Is that acceptable? But will one see it? I took this step, selfish, u may say. But its for the better of us. I don’t want to be caught in between and I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I detach so, u won’t feel indebted or obligated.

Will u guys forgive me? Will u guys be able to see what I did was for the better of us? I miss u all too. I miss the gatherings. I miss the nights. I miss the outings. I’m hurted too. But u all have each other to lean on. I, have only myself.

I have never stopped hoping for the best for u all. And I never stopped cared. I just choose not to show.

I miss u all and US.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

My conclusion: I’d rather talk about happy things to people; smile and laugh with them. Listen to them and be there for them. It heals me.

If you’re in pain, help someone else’s pain and when you’re in a mess, you get yourself out of the mess by helping someone out of their’s. -Oprah Winfrey

Can’t really find the right words right now but anyhow, here I am blogging about ‘HOW’.

Change topic.

Morning shift was kinda breezy today. Probably because of the student nurses that were ever ready to help in the ward. And probably because of the awesome patients that I have to recently. They’re either nice or bed bound with dementia. Kinda easier to nurse them in a way. Insted of handling 12 patients, we’re handling 9 nowadays. Easier and we could give more to the 9 patients that we have. More concentration on the nursing care. I love it.

After work, I had to attend a resus drill simulation training with 3 of my other colleagues. It was nerve wrecking, I tell you! We had to do a resus on a patient, a mannequin actually, and we had to do like as though we’re really handling a real resus case. Adrenalin rush in my body. Awesome! But scary too! Imagine not being able to do anything coz its either u forget or u just don’t know what to do. About 8 pairs of eyes will be on you. And it will reflect on the ward as well. I was the ‘C’ Nurse. Meaning, Cardiac. Meaning, Compression! I just had to do the compression. Awesome or what! But hey! I think I did well in delegating some of the things to my fellow team. My team was awesome too! I had a good leader! Jie Tao! hahaha!! Being the newest amongst us, he’d be the best to be the leader right? Mind still fresh mah! hahaha!! But seriously! JT did so well to analyze the situation. Responding calmly to the irritating sister and obnoxious doctors. It is a drill but hey, in real life, sisters are really irritating and doctors are really obnoxious! Gaigai and Ivy were awesome too! They were the airway nurse and the runner as well! They responded to the orders fast and efficiently, though there were mishaps here and there, but its all because of nervousness. IT IS NERVE WRECKING!  Overall, it was an awesome team! Awesome bunch of colleagues I have here.

Day ended with laughs as we recap what happened earlier. Really entertaining though.

Had dinner with Gaigai and Magnolia after that. Head down to Gaigai’s place to help her color her hair. I am a walking saloon la. hahaha.. I had a great talk with Gaigai and Magnolia though. Bonding they say. Bonding moments are the best when we speak from our heart. And I spoke from my heart. Thanks for the day my dear colleagues!

Today, Loaby will not be able to skype with me. nor can he tomorrow or the day after. He’s visiting his son and will only be back on Monday. Its ok. He has to meet his son. After all, blood is thicker than water. I do understand that he needs to visit his son sometimes. I’m so understanding right? I know. I love my Loaby and I trust him.

Updates are till her then. Gotto get some rest now. Good night everyone.